On Nihilism

My fears that naturalism was in fact true during my senior year in high school and freshman year of college produced in me the feelings of nausea that I associated with the nihilism which was the logical conclusion of naturalism. In the darkness of winter I constantly felt the meaninglessness of life that naturalism seemed to impress upon me. The barrenness of the Western Pennsylvanian winter with the trees stripped of their leaves, appearing dead, and the biting cold seemed symbolic to me of the meaningless world without God. This emptiness more than anything constituted my horror that came from the fear that God might not exist.

These feelings were especially immanent when I went ice skating with my friends once. As I skated around the indoor rink I felt a sickness and emptiness in my stomachas I contemplated the vast inanity of the naturalistic universe. It was like the walls and ceiling of the rink at been torn away and the blackemptiness of space, devoid of any transcendent God, was appearing visibly to me. It filled me with such dread and horror that I longed to escape from its hollowness but I could not. There was no escape from the question of God's existence and the nihilism that would resultif his existence proved lacking. The ultimate conclusion of naturalism is that by chance our universe came into existence without a cause, and by something of trillion trillionths of a chance it proved suitable for life. By that same amount our galaxy came into existence and
our solar system formed, by sheer luck, in a manner that provided for the evolution of creatures such as ourselves. Then by a billion billionths of a chance the right chemicals for life formed and, following a series of accidental mutations men came into existence. We are cosmic accidents lacking in value or meaning. We are no different than a rock or tree other than millions of years of evolution. We live, reproduce, and then are completely annihilated at death. We may hope to influence human society for the better, if "better" has any meaning at all, or do deeds that are worthy of remembrance, but such undertakings are foolhardy. What memories does time not erode completely? As for society, the human species will at some point become extinct, either by destroying itself in war or at that time when universe proves no longer capable of sustaining life. Then all life and its achievements will descend into oblivion as energy becomes evenly distributed throughout the void and there, in the cold vastness of impersonal space no memory will exist of man or his achievements.This absurd universe will have the last laugh as man, who so vainly tried to defy his meaninglessness by building civilization and attributing purpose to his life, becomes utterly extinct. The universe becomes utterly dark and lifeless, with n o remembrance of the past or hope or the future. No mind to perceive or recollect thoughts. In the end there is abysmal nothingness for all eternity.

It was this vanity and hopelessness that confronted me that night but fortunately the sun again dawned on this dark night and my faith restored. But it vividlyimpressed on me the utter absurdity of a life without God.